Things I learned about Parenting
… from my nephew’s Dad.
- Labor is rough on an expecting father, be sure to take a seat periodically to rest your weary legs.
- The couch is an appropriate place to leave a week-old infant unattended while you go have a cigarette.
- It’s a much more financially sound investment to spend $250 on rent in an apartment than it is to contribute to the mother’s household where you were living rent-free.
- Your own personal financial security is paramount to providing for the needs of the baby.
- Bringing previously used marijuana paraphernalia in the same vehicle as your infant is okay, as long as you don’t actually posses enough pot to smoke at that time. After all, the cops around here never pull people over who have out-of-state plates on their vehicle, so what’s the worst that could happen?
- After you move out, child support is optional. After all, infants are inexpensive and WIC covers all of it and then some.
- If you are generous enough to consider providing child support, $20 a week should cover it, but that’s probably pushing it. Use rule #4 to determine a proper amount.
- Asking the District Attorney to determine appropriate child support is “uncivilized” and should be avoided at all costs. Further dialog will likely convince the mother that $80 will buy a month’s worth of diapers, baby food, lotions, shampoo and formula – the rest is the mother’s and/or WIC’s problem.
Armed with this new experience I think I’m about ready to become a father.