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So I’m not sure if I’ve written about this or not, but my wife is approximately 12 weeks pregnant. We’ve been going a couple weeks in a row now so the doctor can try to find the heart tones on the doppler, but so far they’ve been elusive.

The resident who was seeing us at our last appointment said some really stupid stuff that kind of upset my wife. Right after they couldn’t find the heart tones, she started talking about how we were almost over the hump of where miscarriages most likely occur.

I realize she was just trying to reassure us nothing was wrong, but it’s not the kind of thing my wife wanted to hear at that particular time.

There’s the pre-med/medical school path, training to be a Nurse or Certified Medical Assistant, all the way down medical coding training courses – none of them seem to be able to teach bedside manner, and I guess it’s just something you just have to learn on your own.

So our nephew Jeremy is going through this weird phase where he’s scared of everything. Baths. Balls. Birthday Cakes. So needless to say his party wasn’t too much fun – while the whole family gathered around waiting for him to dive on a sacrificial cake, he just sat there.

We eventually tried coaxing him into it, but it was a no-go. He didn’t want to eat it, and didn’t get too chocolatey either. We’d imagined he’d look like something out of a reject
cleansonix commercial, but alas, no.

Pictures forthcoming in a future update.

Here’s an interesting fact I learned the other day: Statistically speaking, a TV is more hazardous to your child’s health than a pair of scissors. Yup, more children annually are injured in falling TV accidents (most likely because flatscreens are light and not super stable if a child’s pulling on them, compared to a big CRT) than from playing with scissors.

It’s recommended you get one of those TV stands that has the mounts on the back of it to permanently attach your TV to it, or you could just attach your TV to the wall. Or you could just put your baby outside on the lawn, where it’s safe, and give him a pair of scissors to keep him entertained.

From time to time, I get almost envious of the folks who work at “real jobs” who get vacations. Working from home has it’s benefits and it’s drawbacks, and one of those drawbacks is that you squeeze downtime in when you can – and it’s typically not when you want it.

The chance to take a couple weeks off and go camping is quite rare – we try to live a laid-back lifestyle but any more than a couple days off is pushing it. We’ve been trying to organize a camping trip for three years now and it just isn’t happening yet (this summer’s quickly running out as well).

A part of me wouldn’t mind spending a week surfing at the Carolina Outer Banks, but I’m not sure anyone else in the family would enjoy that as much as I would.

I know for a fact I’d be about the only one enjoying a good mountain hike, but tragically Indiana’s pretty unequipped when it comes to that anyway.

Shoot, we’ve been talking about going out for a day-trip barbecue to Ohio for nearly a year now and it still hasn’t happened.

So I don’t really think about this too often, but my wife and I are rapidly approaching ten years being married.

Woah.

I try not to talk to too many others about the circumstances surrounding our marriage, because most of the people who ask about it are young kids thinking about taking the plunge. I don’t want to give them false hope – the reality is my wife and I are the exception, not the rule. Most teenage marriages end in dismal failure very quickly after they start.

I think the trick is not to let it change things. Most folks get married and it’s a huge stressful event full of changes – in my personal opinion if you were ready to be married you’d already be acting almost like you’re married anyway… shared finances, living together, etc. The more drastic changes you tack on just because “it’s what married couples do” the more likely all that stress is going to take it’s toll on you.

With us, absolutely nothing changed. It’s just a piece of paper and some words. We skipped all the drama of picking out engagement rings that cost more than a car, elaborate ceremonies full of people you hate and the inevitable end-of-the-honeymoon period that sees you in your first real fight. There’s another thing, if you haven’t really fought with someone – don’t get married. If you never fight, someone’s giving in – and sooner or later they’ll get sick of it.

But yeah, about another year and 3 months and we’ll have been married for ten long years.

Our dog Ruby got her bath tonight – she smelled a bit so my wife decided to bathe her and she was actually pretty good. The last time she had a bath was well over a year ago, and she kept trying to jump out and we got all wet wrestling with her.

This time around, she just sat there with the facial expression of “why me”. Now she smells like wet area rugs instead of smelly dog.

… from my nephew’s Dad.

1. Labor is rough on an expecting father, be sure to take a seat periodically to rest your weary legs.
2. The couch is an appropriate place to leave a week-old infant unattended while you go have a cigarette.
3. It’s a much more financially sound investment to spend $250 on rent in an apartment than it is to contribute to the mother’s household where you were living rent-free.
4. Your own personal financial security is paramount to providing for the needs of the baby.
5. Bringing previously used marijuana paraphernalia in the same vehicle as your infant is okay, as long as you don’t actually posses enough pot to smoke at that time. After all, the cops around here never pull people over who have out-of-state plates on their vehicle, so what’s the worst that could happen?
6. After you move out, child support is optional. After all, infants are inexpensive and WIC covers all of it and then some.
7. If you are generous enough to consider providing child support, $20 a week should cover it, but that’s probably pushing it. Use rule #4 to determine a proper amount.
8. Asking the District Attorney to determine appropriate child support is “uncivilized” and should be avoided at all costs. Further dialog will likely convince the mother that $80 will buy a month’s worth of diapers, baby food, lotions, shampoo and formula – the rest is the mother’s and/or WIC’s problem.

Armed with this new experience I think I’m about ready to become a father.